Change

Well, its been awhile since my last post. I hope everyone had a great Xmas and a wonderful new years. As for my break, its had its ups and downs. Ups were Xmas and new years were a blast. Downs are parents fighting and having to take my sister to the ER (she is fine btw). But anyway, its 2009!! A new year, and with it brings hope of a new beginning. Many make resolutions on what they will do with this new year and the changes they will make in there own life. For me these changes are a long time coming. Time and time again I have sought that special someone with no avail. Every time I have been turned away I always hear the same line. I hear " Dwight you are a really sweet, nice, caring, funny, great guy." but I don't think there can be anything between us or I don't like you in that way. I used to buy that BS at first, thinking that all of that stuff was actually true. Sounds good doesn't it?? That is a stellar line up of quality's in a guy. I am going to go out on a limb and say that's what alto of girls look for in a guy. But for some reason they are not looking for me. This leads to two possible conclusions. A. Girls don't look for those quality's in men, and in fact look for the opposites of those. What girl wants a sour, mean, careless, boring, bad guy? Don't be shy, your right...none of them do. So A is obviously wrong. This now leads me to B. I possess none of those traits . If I was these things that they said I am, then I would have obviously had some success. But why lie to me? Why tell me that I am things I am obviously not? Simple, they want to let me down easy, so my "feelings" won't get hurt. Because it makes them feel better about themselves. This cripples me for the future. They tell me nothing is wrong when things are wrong. Tell me what you really think!! Is it that damn hard!!! Tell me the real reason I am not good enough, not some whitewashed bullshit. Stop feeding me these lies! Tell me what you really think, so I can keep the good and get rid of the bad. At least show me the respect to tell me to my face that you think I will be a failure.

I am done with this. Don't with being me. I am sick of "Dwight, your awesome! Don't ever change!!" To hell with this. I am going to change everything that I am. Its not good enough for anyone. It never was. I will turn this weakness into strength. Stupidity with turn to Intelligence. Ugliness will turn to beauty. Discard this personality for a new one. I will transform this inadequacy into greatness. Those who think I am a failure will be proven wrong. The time has come to make myself worthy of the peoples friendship that I already. To prove that I am worthy to have the love of a good women. Out with bad habits and in with good ones. In with my new life and out with the old one. Its time for a change, I will hear no more of these lies. I will change what these people think. If you support me, than I thank you very much. If you don't then stand aside or I will push you out of the way. "D-White, Diznuts, Diz, Baby Bottle, D." Nicknames people used to call me.... That person is dead now, he isn't good enough. I am sure he won't be missed. I now greet as a new person, Dwight...a better person, a person worthy of all the blessings he has. A person to be taken seriously and not lightly.

R.I.P ---"D-White, Diznuts, Diz, Baby Bottle, D." You won't be missed, in fact you should be forgotten.

Thanks for reading,

Dwight aka Kitchen Finks