Another Song

Well, I know it has been quite a while since I threw anything up on here. Hell, I don't know if anyone even reads this. I have been having a pretty rough time lately in some aspects of my life, mainly the love portion. I really like this girl and I don't know how to tell her. I am not sure if she even has eyes for me. Normally, I would simply give up at this point...I know it seems early at this point to be giving up, I haven't really discussed it with her yet. But what if she is being just as shy as I am about how she feels? Normally I would just throw away this theory, but now its all I cling to. I always thought that, it wasn't worth my time for a struggle to get a girl but this one is worth every second, I just know it. She is amazing, and yes..I don't deserve her..but I can't help it, I have to try anyway...I may not be the man she deserves today, but I KNOW I can be, and I will be. But too much thoughts in my mind build up, so I threw down a quick song, the first one in a while...its a little shaky...so here is the rough draft. (I was going for rap, again, because I know NOTHING about music)

If I asked you...

If I asked you for you hand, would you laugh or would you cry? Cause I love to see you laugh and I'd hate to be the reason you cried. But all I want is to be by your side. To Live, to laugh, to love, and maybe grow old. To show you that this world isn't so cold---as it as been to you, to show that dreams can come true....so, If I asked you for your hand would you laugh or would you cry? Cause I love to see you laugh and I'd hate to be the reason you cried. But all I want is to be by your side. But I'm so fucking conflicted with everything that I see, wondering to myself if we could ever be. Cause I've seen the way you look at him and it sure ain't the way you look at me. I don't want this to end up like all of my other stories, that end with only pain and despair, cause I could hold my whole world in my hand if only I could run my fingers through your hair. So...If I asked you for you hand, would you laugh or would you cry? Cause I love to see you laugh and I'd hate to be the reason you cried. But all I want is to be by your side. So do I give up now or just keep pushin? I've fallen so hard will you be my cushion. To break my fall, to ease my pain...Or will I hit the ground, with only the rain---to wash away this blood from my broken heart. Its this kinda thing that makes me not wanna start. But I know I have to run this race, cause your worth every second..I know that I must run this race, cause even from the bottom of a bottle...I still can see your face.

Change

Well, its been awhile since my last post. I hope everyone had a great Xmas and a wonderful new years. As for my break, its had its ups and downs. Ups were Xmas and new years were a blast. Downs are parents fighting and having to take my sister to the ER (she is fine btw). But anyway, its 2009!! A new year, and with it brings hope of a new beginning. Many make resolutions on what they will do with this new year and the changes they will make in there own life. For me these changes are a long time coming. Time and time again I have sought that special someone with no avail. Every time I have been turned away I always hear the same line. I hear " Dwight you are a really sweet, nice, caring, funny, great guy." but I don't think there can be anything between us or I don't like you in that way. I used to buy that BS at first, thinking that all of that stuff was actually true. Sounds good doesn't it?? That is a stellar line up of quality's in a guy. I am going to go out on a limb and say that's what alto of girls look for in a guy. But for some reason they are not looking for me. This leads to two possible conclusions. A. Girls don't look for those quality's in men, and in fact look for the opposites of those. What girl wants a sour, mean, careless, boring, bad guy? Don't be shy, your right...none of them do. So A is obviously wrong. This now leads me to B. I possess none of those traits . If I was these things that they said I am, then I would have obviously had some success. But why lie to me? Why tell me that I am things I am obviously not? Simple, they want to let me down easy, so my "feelings" won't get hurt. Because it makes them feel better about themselves. This cripples me for the future. They tell me nothing is wrong when things are wrong. Tell me what you really think!! Is it that damn hard!!! Tell me the real reason I am not good enough, not some whitewashed bullshit. Stop feeding me these lies! Tell me what you really think, so I can keep the good and get rid of the bad. At least show me the respect to tell me to my face that you think I will be a failure.

I am done with this. Don't with being me. I am sick of "Dwight, your awesome! Don't ever change!!" To hell with this. I am going to change everything that I am. Its not good enough for anyone. It never was. I will turn this weakness into strength. Stupidity with turn to Intelligence. Ugliness will turn to beauty. Discard this personality for a new one. I will transform this inadequacy into greatness. Those who think I am a failure will be proven wrong. The time has come to make myself worthy of the peoples friendship that I already. To prove that I am worthy to have the love of a good women. Out with bad habits and in with good ones. In with my new life and out with the old one. Its time for a change, I will hear no more of these lies. I will change what these people think. If you support me, than I thank you very much. If you don't then stand aside or I will push you out of the way. "D-White, Diznuts, Diz, Baby Bottle, D." Nicknames people used to call me.... That person is dead now, he isn't good enough. I am sure he won't be missed. I now greet as a new person, Dwight...a better person, a person worthy of all the blessings he has. A person to be taken seriously and not lightly.

R.I.P ---"D-White, Diznuts, Diz, Baby Bottle, D." You won't be missed, in fact you should be forgotten.

Thanks for reading,

Dwight aka Kitchen Finks

A Song

Sorry I haven't updated this in a while. I have been busy will college and other things in my life. Everything is going pretty well for me. Not too much drama that I can't handle. Other than the fact that I have a pretty big crush on a friend of mine but I don't know how to tell her. But anyway the other day I was up pretty late talking to a friend of mine. We were discussing the past and I became pretty upset. I wanted to yell but it was pretty late. So I did the next best thing...I wrote a rap song!! Now I have never written a song before nor to I claim to me musically talented in any way shape or form. But I gave it my best shot and it made me feel better. So here it is and let me know what you think.

C

Why can't I be this person that she adores? Why can't I be the person she wants to be with behind closed doors? I just keep failing no matter what I do. Why must I be someone else to have you? Cause Yo I'm the D thats all I can be. I wish I could be more than that, more than him, more than me. I wish I could be the one that you adore C. I fuckin' can't stand it, the way they look at you. They will never feel the way that I do. But you don't understand cause you don't wanna see, that I am better than they'll ever fuckin' be. But I still have these thoughts runnin' through my head, If I am so much better than why are they in your bed? What do I have to do to make you see that the D is all you ever need? What do I have to do to make you see that I am the one you need, to see past all of those other mothafucka's greed! They want you for your body, yet I prefer your soul, everything you have to offer, not just a hole. But I will never be this person that you desire....never be the one to ignite your fire.

Thanks for reading,

Big K-Finks

Hello and Question 1.

Hello All, for all who care, My Name is KitchenFinks and I am just a fun loving person in real life. But I'm sure most of you who are reading this could really care less who I am in real life. I am just here to make some friends on the internet. Give some advise to those who ask and maybe ask some questions that I feed need answering from time to time without the bias that you may know me in real life. My first question will be about the thing that everyone is an expert on yet doesn't really understand..Love.

I recently was in a relationship for a couple of weeks and I tried to like the person I was with but I just couldn't so I decided to break up with that person. I know this person was very hurt when I did this and It really broke my heart....to the point where I even wanted to cry even though I suppose I was the one doing the hurting. Why couldn't I like this person even though I tried so hard and wanted to like them. Has anyone else been in a sitution like my own. I just need a little advise on this one. So thank you to anyone who will respond.


Big K-Finks